How often over the years life felt as if its HEAVINESS would never stop bearing down on me. The days & weeks would grind into the months, and the only reprieve would be the possibility of that long weekend coming or that holiday at the end of the year. How could this thing called emotion actually have a physical weight, why won’t it get off my back & when will I get that bit of time off to just breathe & be.
For years & years I lived the Aussie stigma we are all accustomed to & know of quite well. THE AUSSIE BATTLER. Not just the finances or sustaining a relationship that lasted over 2 years, also battling smoking, drinking, drug & gambling addictions, constantly fighting my weight & fitness, & struggling so much with this taboo invisible force that these woo woo folk call EMOTIONS.
Yep, like the ANZAC’s, I endured my metaphoric battlefield that had it all. Those brave men witnessed life & death and that’s how real ALL of this load I carried felt, enough so, that checking out, of life seemed the logical approach for the burdens not to weigh me down any more, ahhhhh that will be true freedom. That’s how I’ll stop this lifelong piggy back ride.
If I’m not here, how is that truly free. I won’t be able to watch another footy match, laugh with my mates, experience fatherhood, travel this world, smell the fart of a stranger in an elevator, have that awkward moment of laughter pop up at the most inappropriate times. How is that living from that Aussie spirit we are world renowned for? How is embodying that TRUE GRIT
nature? Rather than making this piggy back ride hard yakka- I needed strength in the form an inspiration. WHO COULD GET THROUGH THIS? Who has spirit, grit, strength. So I pondered this- superman isn’t real, a magician is all illusion, Buddha ??? Well I’m not a monk. THOUGH I know who has these traits…
A WARRIOR !!!
Awesome… I have an answer. As a man, even with this weight, I know that if I had an answer I can get it done, every day I’ve still been able to get shit done- through all of the struggle. I’M IN. So, what traits allowed the warrior to possess strength, grit, spirit? A warrior, he is aware of the quest in which he is upon. He is aware of the sharpness of his sword in the hunt, aware of the capacity of his shield in battle, aware of his surroundings for his advantage, aware of when to fight & retreat, aware of the rewards & consequences of his actions, aware of his strengths & even more aware of his weaknesses – so that he may use them as his strengths.
If this weight I carry in life is my weakness, then how do I become the warrior to allow that now to be my also my strength?
*I’ll pause here for a moment – as a quote from one of my coaches is “Power Questions get Powerful Answers”
From this powerful question came this powerful answer – With AWARENESS.
I was then 27, though feel as if I was in medieval days- I now have a Quest & search that may take a lifetime. How do I find awareness, what is awareness & how like the warrior do I allow awareness to show my weakness so I can use as my strength? Enduring, I forged into the unknown. Never had I before learned this, had it taught to me yet alone spoken of. The mystery is intriguing. Gritting my teeth, continuing to hump this load on my back – some weeks I felt great, majority of the months the hustle & mass of life grew enormous. This warrior energy I found started to deplete- several years passed & again I felt the urge of checking out arise.
It occurred to me – that this battle/quest I was facing, I was going it alone. Powerful questions get powerful answer. Who trained the warrior? WOW, a new revelation. My passion of sports sparked this search, every championship sporting team had a coach, even inside the team each individual had a mentor. Again & again & again, coaches, mentors, guides, experts, masters – everyone one had some form of guidance. Researching, asking questions I found that even Michael Jordan, one of, if not the greatest basketballers of all time had a coach that saw he had
a weakness. WTF… I call bullshit.
Delving more he actually did. His coach was able to see that his arm was kicked out when taking his shot – Michael then became aware of his weakness- possessed warrior energy to turn that to his strength – and turned to his coach and asked a question that as a man blew me away. May you help me with my weakness to allow it to become my strength?
Now into the 32nd year of my Quest, my knowledge to dissolve this piggy back ride was
1/ In awareness, is my power
2/ Every great man had a coach
Over these years, every pain I endured, every heartache I felt I armed myself more & more. How in this battle, this stigma I’m conditioned with, do I show my weakness? Every time I do, I get hurt even more. Each time this vulnerability I show hasn’t become strength. So, I RETREATED, I’ll keep it all in. If no one knows, I can’t hurt me. How then may I turn to a coach and tell him about this weight I carry – How will I know he, like the warrior, teach me the way of awareness?
Boom! Stuck like a Datsun 180B in the soft sand on hide tide
This moment, this exact point in time for me was September 2016. No buttering up, no sugar coating – if I scaled this it would be the most fearful moment in my life. To ask for help, admit my weaknesses, shame, guilt, fears & trust that this wouldn’t be turned against me once again. My toe dipping lasted for months, until one day I mustered the courage to jump on that springboard, tuck into the trusty bomb dive position & decide for myself that the piggy back ride was over, this “weight” on my shoulders has to go – I am a warrior & I’ve found my coach. I AM READY
From a battler to a warrior, from the struggle to becoming aware, from being alone to getting the weight off my shoulders, from one coach to now a team… the quest has & is pretty f%#ing amazing. The ebbs, the flows, the ups & the downs – being aware that experiencing somethings is needed to understand its polar, that there is HUGE strength in the courage of facing off with my emotions, that it ok not to be ok, help is only a question away and that love (especially of myself) is the answer. This has allowed the piggy back ride to cease. Now I see life as a dance to enjoy not a battle to endure.
Now approaching 34 years on this planet, my wisdom I have unlocked
1/ Surrounding myself with a team to help with this load is ok, & will make it easier
2/ I’m not alone
3/ I’m whole, complete & perfect right now- though always evolving
I am a voice for a mankind. My purpose on this planet is to continually grow as a man through my awareness, as to inspire all men (& women) to evolve to into the grandest version of themselves, they desire in this lifetime. To find their awareness.
I ask, when you’re ready to make your splash is it going to be a bomb, a pencil dive or horsey?? There is content everywhere in this generation, thats power of the internet. I can help, guide & coach you to implement all of the tools & practices, so you too can have the weight release from your shoulders faster, in your journey.
I feel you